Monday, September 22, 2008

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

Long post about career thoughts behind the cut. It's not particularly exciting, just needed to get thoughts down.

Ever been in a place where you really really really love what you do, but it doesn't feel like enough? Even though you enjoy it, it's not challenging enough (at least, not in ways you'd like to be challenged - seeing how many times you can beat your head against the same wall isn't my idea of a challenge), it's not important enough in the grand scheme of things, and there is absolutely no way to advance in it? That's where I am right now. The hobby that I have turned into a career is right now feeling like a quicksand bog - doing nothing will prevent me from going down, but it won't get me out, either, whereas trying to get out will cause me to sink before I'll be able to swim. But what else would I do? There are two or three other professions that absolutely fascinate me, and I think I would be really good at, but two would require going back to school and starting completely over, and one would require six months training and then assignment to somewhere out of my control.

This is not to say that I don't like my current job. I do - I love working on shows, and with the students. I'm just getting burned out a little, I think. I've been in rehearsal or performance for various shows since March and there is no relief in sight - my current show closes Sunday, I start rehearsals for the holiday show next Tuesday, get two weeks off for Christmas, and come back to start rehearsals for yet another show, which will then go straight into the spring musical as well. Yes, I know, welcome to the adult world and full time jobs. Suck it up, right? I've already gotten a whole week's vacation this year, and get two weeks off at Christmas! Lucky! The way things work here, if I ONLY went in for rehearsals/performances (as in, came in the door at call time and left at end of call), I would work 40 hours a week. That's a full time job right there, and that's not even HALF of what I do. And I get ONE day off a week. And no, I don't get paid overtime, and my salary (with a college degree, no less) is barely better than if I worked at McDonalds. (We had to get raises last year so we could meet minimum wage requirements. The health insurance is better, though.) I'm just getting tired of having to work so much and carry so much responsibility, but still only living hand to mouth. I'm tired of having to be perfect all the time. I'm tired of being the middleman in EVERYTHING. I'm tired of not being able to bring myself to care anymore. I can't pay off debts like this. I can't save any money. I can't travel. I can't date. I can't enjoy anything else in my life on a regularly scheduled basis, because my schedule changes every few weeks. Right now, pretty much any job that works steady hours and that I can put away when those hours are done sounds absolutely fantastic.

I just feel like I have something more to do with my life, but I'm not quite sure what that is yet.

In happier news, CP #1 is very close to done, I'd say about 80% right now. I'm hoping to finish it by the end of the week. My problem, which I didn't think of when I created this evil plot, is that none of the rest of my projects are of the true mindless knitting variety, which I will need in the booth. Curses! I may have to modify one thing now. It shouldn't be too bad, I don't think.

Also, because of my crazy, weird schedule, the first part of this week is back to 9:00a - 5:00p days, so I can go to class tonight, tomorrow, and Wednesday! Yay! Seven classes in three days! I will be so sore! And I'm going to be at the self-defense seminar on Saturday morning! A few of the girls from PCPA have said they're interested, but they would only go if I went, too. Sir said it would be stuff that I can already do in my sleep, but he's okay with me being there to help out my friends and pointed out that it would be really nice to be in a situation where I only have to dish stuff out, I'm probably not going to have to take much punishment!

1 comment:

Kathleen C. said...

Oh boy, do I feel your pain (your career pain that is, not the TKD pain). I'm strugging with almost the exact same issues now. And I don't know what to tell you except that it doesn't get any easier the longer you continue. The bad parts will stay bad. But the good parts of the job stay good too.
For my part...
I'm tired of holding so much together, tired of so many (taken for granted)hours, tired of not getting the respect and income that I feel I deserve.
But I don't want to leave where I'm located and the very, very good friends we've made here. I like our students and am proud of the work we produce. And I get satisfaction from my work, when the work goes well.
And really... what else would I do with my life?
I sure wish you luck with figuring out what would make you happier, or at least more content, with your lot. If any blinding flashes of brilliance come to me about it I'll let you know!